Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Celebrating Dads and Grandads

The one and only real dad of mine recently completed chemotherapy treatments for pancreatic cancer. At 80, he's a trooper--still working part-time and constantly on the quest for something to eat. He's probably the one I inherited my sense of adventure from, and he's still vitally interested in all the ongoings in the world, be it news, financial, cultural, or culinary (NOT that he cooks, my mom's area of expertise). He cultivated my thirst for travel by planning the most extraordinary sightseeing vacations for our family. His faith in the Lord has not wavered as he's faced the diagnosis of his cancer, the difficult surgery and recovery, and the grueling routine of chemo. I am probably my dad's second greatest admirer, the first being my mom (even when he exhibits curmudgeonly behavior, which happens more often than he'd like to admit).


My grandfathers were great dads in their own ways. Dad's dad served as county court clerk, inspiring and encouraging my dad to work hard and fulfill his dream of becoming a doctor. "Pop" worried about me reading too much, afraid it would warp me.

Mom's dad was a gentle man, very handy and most attentive to my grandmother, my mom (an only child), and my brother and me. "Grangie" was always creating new ways for us to play, learn, and enjoy ourselves at his home, such as hanging the amazing "Tarzan" rope swing in their gigantic willow tree, pointing out the crawdads in their holes in the wet side yard, and driving us to the airport simply to watch planes land and take off.

My great-grandad, Papa, (Mom's grandad) who lived with "Ma and Grangie," brought my brother and me surprises from Woolworth's 5 and 10 when we spent the night on Fridays. He served as a local mail carrier for years. I remember clearly the ride he gave us in the back of his musty truck with a wooden tailgate and heavy canvas flap. After he retired, Papa took the bus downtown frequently to visit various businesses where he knew everyone and loved to talk politics with them.

I met David Phillips while dating his son, Steve. From the time Steve and I became engaged, David and Steve's mom accepted me as their daughter. He made everyone feel welcome, shooing them into the house with a grin and the words, "Get in this house." A handy fellow, he repaired lawn mowers as a hobby and built bookshelves into the wall in our son's room--still standing--as well as various toys for our kids, even a sandbox and a wooden structure with a ladder, monkey bars, and a slide. His pleasant disposition made David one of the easiest people to be around I've ever known, and that part of him definitely rubbed off on his son.

A young woman named Cherie came into our life through Key Club, the high school service organization for which my husband volunteers. At a transitional time in her life, she lived with us and became like a daughter to Steve and me and like a big sister to our young children. The man she married, Tim, ironically shares our last name. We know he's a great dad by the unspoiled and unselfish behavior of their four children, who adore him and follow in his footsteps as he follows Jesus.

No matter how mad they might get at their parents at times, our kids know they have the best of all possible dads. Steve is the voice of reason and the sense of humor in our home. He points out the pros, cons, and possible consequences of every important choice, maintaining an even temper no matter how he may feel about the situation. The kids still indulge him by laughing at--and shaking their heads over-- his corny old jokes. He's the Sunday School teacher example, but with a mischievous streak--for example, the time we sought a lost tooth for a visiting child in our pool area and he couldn't resist the sight of my kneeling figure to push me in with a splash. I see the respect Eric and Emily hold for him, yet no one can make them burst into such irreverent laughter. I praise God for giving me Steve to be the father of our children.

Thank you, Lord, for the dads in my life, the ones I've mentioned and the others too numerous to name, for the positive influence in making me the woman I am today. Guys, I couldn't have done it without you!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

During the holidays, our longing to connect with family and escape from the pressures of modern life intensifies. One of the questions author Mary DeMuth (Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture) gets asked in radio interviews is this: What can a parent do to help kids filter their media intake? Her answer: Strategically engage. The following is five ways to help re-engage your kids in a media-saturated culture.


Five Ways to Engage Disengaged Kids
By Mary E. DeMuth

In a world of Halo, iphones, and IM, how do parents strategically engage their tuned-out kids? How can we create the kinds of homes that are irresistible to our children, enticing enough to make them tune out from games, media and texting and tune in to the rhythms of family life?

Five ways.

One: Offer ‘em Something Better

The most enticing thing to a kid is community—real, authentic, God-breathed community. To create this, learn to do the following:

- Say you’re sorry when you’re wrong and ask forgiveness.
- Strive to become the person you want your child to become. Practice reconciliation, open communication, and serving each other.
- Listen, really listen to your kids. Give them eye-time. Don’t uh-huh their concerns, but strive to ask great questions to draw them out. Be willing to share your own struggles with your kids.
- Plan meal times together. And when you do, talk! One way to foster great communication is to have questions already prepared. Click here for sample questions: http://www.marydemuth.com/files/Qsample.pdf. To purchase all 150, click here: http://www.marydemuth.com/store.php. To win them, click here: http://relevantblog.blogspot.com/2008/01/win-150-conversation-starters.html
- Have an unplug day—no phones, TV, gaming systems, and return to old fashioned board games, taking walks outside, and reading together.
- Resist DVDs in the minivan. Try books on tape instead—a wonderful way to engage your child’s mind. Discuss the book afterward.
- Welcome others into your home. Be the house all the kids want to congregate in.

Two: If You Can’t Beat ‘em, Join ‘em

Our kids will see movies; they will watch TV shows. Instead of always pushing against that, sit down next to your child and watch shows and movies together. Then use the time afterwards to discuss these questions:

1. What is the worldview of this movie?
2. What kind of person is the main character? Is she someone you want to be like?
3. What lies does this movie perpetuate?
4. What does this show say about materialism?
5. What part of this movie showed God’s love?

Strategically engaging alongside our kids in the very thing we’re leery of does two things: It shows our kids we are willing to sacrifice our own desires to spend time with them. And it helps prepare them to better discern the movies and media they watch.

Three: Explore Different Ways to Celebrate Sabbath

Taking time away from the crazy rush-rush of a media saturated world is a counter-cultural move your family can take. Choose a day or afternoon for rest. Limit media that day. Choose to engage in artistic, creative endeavors together:

- If a child loves music, encourage him to write a song or create an unusual soundtrack.
- Supply kids with all sorts of visual arts tools: paint, brushes, magazines, pens, glue, and let them create. If you need focus, think of five families or friends who need to be encouraged, then create cards for each one.
- Let your kids have free reign of the video camera. Encourage them to make a movie. Then watch it together as a family, complete with popcorn.
- Pull out that karaoke machine.
- Read together.
- Do a puzzle or play board games.

Four: Go Outside

We are a disconnected culture, defining ourselves by the great indoors and cyberworlds. To combat that in your family, dare to open the front door and walk on out. Take strolls with your kids. Find a local park or wilderness preserve to poke around in. Hike together. Feed the ducks. Launch rockets. Play Frisbee. Kick the ball around. Ride bikes. Pick up garbage along the road. Skateboard. Make going outside as much of a habit as going outside.

Five: Focus Outward

Computers and movies and TV and phones focus us inward. Instead, seek to find ways to focus your family outward toward the needs of the world. Sponsor a child in a third world country. Go on a mission trip as a family and take a year together to plan it. Find a cause to support—like digging wells in Africa or alleviating AIDS. Volunteer at a nursing home. Muddying our feet and hands in the real needs of the world gives kids a greater picture of the world and pulls them away from the artificial, often narcissistic world they live in.

It is possible to re-engage your disengaged child. It takes effort, creativity and pluck, but it can be done. The reward? A rejuvenated, connected relationship with your child that no gadget can compare to.


Mary E. DeMuth loves to help folks turn their trials into triumphs. Her books include Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God (Harvest House, 2005), Building the Christian Family You Never Had (WaterBrook, 2006), Watching the Tree Limbs, Wishing on Dandelions (NavPress, 2006), and Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture (Harvest House 2007). A mother of three, Mary lives with her husband Patrick and their three children in Texas. They recently returned from Southern France where they planted a church.

Learn more at www.marydemuth.com